The best gift you can give yourself and your spouse this Valentine’s Day is the decision to start being happier in your marriage relationship!
I’m sure you’ve heard that half of marriages end in divorce… That means a lot of unhappy people, messed up childhoods and unfortunate situations.
Sometimes, there may be a completely valid reason for getting a divorce.
But, in most cases, shouldn’t it be easy enough to be in love with the person you fell in love with from the start?
You saw something in that person from theÂ get-go, right? Sparks flew, you had warm fuzzy feelings inside, you kissed and laughed and cuddled among other things!
So, what happened?!
How does a relationship go from super sweet to hopeless & bitter after time?
How can two people who once had cuteÂ I love you moreÂ fights be having I hate you more fights after years of being married?
Well, it happens – a lot – and our own bad habits, actions & behaviors are to blame!
Once a relationship lands in the vicious cycle of she feels unloved and he feels disrespected – it’s hard to stop.
Take it fromÂ Dr. Emerson Eggerichs an internationally knownÂ public speaker on the topic of male and female relationships andÂ author of the book,Â Love and Respect, which is based on more than three decades of counseling as well as scientific and biblical research.
The good news is, even if one person in the relationship decides to make a positive difference and start behaving differently – things will start to turn around for the better!
You wake up each morning… no hug, no kiss, not even a “good morning”…
You both work to get yourselves and the kids ready, let the dog out, feed the fish, slam down a cup of coffee before rushing out the door.
No “I love you” not even “have a good day at work”.
After work, you sit down for dinner.
She might complain the veggies are cold, he feels angry that all she does is complain about dinner rather than saying thank you for making it.
Later, he might make a rude comment about her haircut that makes her look too much like her Mom (like that’s a bad thing, right?) probably just to spite her.
You might argue about theÂ latestÂ grocery shopping trip… how he cares more about the expense than the healthiness of the food, and she cares only about buying natural and organic which racks up a huge bill you can’t afford.
That large pile of dishes sitting on the counter is just waiting to spark a fight about who does more around the house.
The kids colored all over the wall and you blame your spouse for leaving the markers where they could reach them.
The dog has been out of water the entire day! Whose fault is that one?
Whoops, you found out youÂ over draftedÂ the checking account and somehow that turns into a massive yelling match right in front of the kids – again.
You let things go on and on like this, for days, months, years?
Your communication just gets worse,Â simply being nice is unheard of andÂ intimacyÂ feels impossible. You both becomeÂ bitter, angry and unforgiving. Â With so much blaming, nagging and resentment – you’re unhappy, your spouse is unhappy, and life feels like such aÂ disappointingÂ routine.
You wake up each morning with a big hug and kiss making sure to leave a few minutes to sit down and have a cup of coffee together before heading off to work.
You wish each other a good day along with a goodbye hug –
You even find yourself missing each other while you’re at work and excited to be home as a family later on.
After dinner you thank your spouse for the yummy meal that he prepared for the family. You work together to clean up the kitchen quickly so there’s plenty of time to play with the kids (if you have kids) before they go to bed.
The dog was without water the whole day but he’s still alive! Â One of you might make the comment that (key word: WE) we better remember to be more on top of this next time.
You find out your checking account was over drafted, so you agree to sit down together later and figure out where you went wrong and come up with a way to avoid the problem from happening again.
After you find the marker on the wall, you have a calm conversation with the kids about how you must color only on paper and then you find a storage container to put the markers in and out of the kids reach.
You simply don’t let the silly stresses of life get in the way of your happiness.
After the kids are in bed, you happily cuddle up with your spouse and have a conversation. You listen to each other, eye contact and all. Even without the TV on!
You might play a game of Scrabble or watch a movie before settling into bed together for the night. You never know what might happen after that…
So, just reading these 2 scenarios probably gives you a very different feeling… Â The difference between a well-maintained relationship, and one that has been stuck in a rut does make for some very different emotional feelings for everyone involved.
Here are some healthy habits to consider for getting yourself out of the marriage rut.
Healthy Habits for Your Relationship
- Be nice,Â be happy,Â be thankful,
- Have manners, show affection, be sensitive
- Smile, talk, laugh, and have fun,
- Have a positive attitude, be optimistic,
- Communicate, communicate, communicate,
- Distribute your power evenly,
- Respect each other,
- Calmly have your arguments – but forgive and forget quickly,
- Be understanding, be supportive, help each other,Â encourage each other,
- Be careful how you word things, say we instead of you,
- Hold hands, give hugs, steal kisses, sleep together,
- Make her feel like a woman,
- Make him feel like a man,
- Change yourself, don’t try to change your spouse
- Be honest,Â be selfless, trust each other,
- Make each other feel special,
- Be a team.
I believe, knowing how to have a good relationship is common sense.
It’s good to be reminded of these things as they can become easy to forget.
Most of the time, you don’t need professional help to tell you how to act like a reasonable human being in a relationship. The hardest part is doing it – and that part is up to you.
It’s hard to make yourself behave in a positive way, especially in times when you feel like you’d rather punch a wall…
But, after some practice you can turn your bad habits into healthy habits that will eventually help bring back those warm fuzzy feelings you once felt.
Nobody wants to live life in a marriage that brings anger and sadness.
Don’t let yourself sink into the downward toxic spiral of unhappiness!
If you’re in a marriage rut now, you first need to want to get out and decide to get out. When you do and when you start making positive changes, you’ll see a difference and be glad you did!
Of course you will still have issues, there will still be problems, you’ll still have your pet peeves etc. – but you need toÂ learn how to handle these situations instead of over-reacting.
Remember… a healthier and happier marriage makes for a healthier and happier you. I have the science of hormones like Dopamine, SerotoninÂ andÂ Oxytocin to back me up on this one. (You could also try natural supplements to help boost your serotoninÂ andÂ dopamineÂ levels).
Once you turn your bad habits into healthy ones, you’ll begin to reap the benefits of a happy marriage relationship!
So, tomorrow, start the morning off right with a goodbye kiss! According to HappyWorker.com’s kissing facts,
Men who kiss their wives every morning before going to work live 5 years longer than men who don’t. Pucker up guys!
A Good Marriage According to Dr. Phil
The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
Forget whether you’re right or wrong. The question is: Is what you’re doing working or not working?
There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it’s not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
You don’t fix things by fixing your partner.
Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
You don’t necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.
- Â Â Â Â Â Â Â You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules.
Here are a few Valentine’s Day Love Notes you can post to your love’s Facebook page, e-mail it or even print it out and make it into a Valentine’s Day card ; ) Whatever you do, find little ways to light that fire!
+Ashley SteinbrinckÂ writes regularly about natural health and happiness for Natural Healthy Concepts. Visit the site today to browse a wide selection of herbalÂ nutritional supplements,Â vitaminsÂ andÂ homeopathic medicine.